The Single Most Important Mindset Shift You Will Ever Make

Are you feeling unhappy and unfulfilled with your life, work or relationships? Are you looking to live a healthier, more active and energetic life? Whatever it is you’re looking to create or change, you’ve probably spent a lot of time seeking out the right self-help guru, affordable program or perfect book. I know from experience that there’s a lot of self-help out there to choose from and you’ll likely spend a ton of time and money searching for the perfect solution.

But I’ve got some awesome news for you…

Despite the various packaging and marketing, all personal development boils down to one simple concept: Personal responsibility.

Personal responsibility is about taking 100% responsibility for everything that manifests in your life. Your successes, your failures, the way others treat you, your health, your happiness, your finances, etc.

But I want to make one thing very clear, it’s not about blame.

Personal responsibility is all about empowering yourself to create the life, success and happiness that you so desire. It’s about becoming solutions-focused and working with others to make the world a better place. It’s a beautiful, simple and often-overlooked principle that absolutely everyone can utilize.

Whether you’re unhappy in your relationship, with your job, your finances, or maybe your whole life seems off-balance and out of sorts… you are 100% responsible for everything that’s shown up in your life. This can be a tough pill to swallow, I know. Believe me I know!

It wasn’t very long ago that I was absolutely miserable in my own life. Working at a job that left me feeling drained, in a relationship that didn’t make me happy and living a life that didn’t light me up. In situations like this, it’s usually easier to blame outside circumstances than to look at yourself. The boyfriend who doesn’t treat you right, the job with the bad boss, the pressures of our peers or the economy.

But if you can take a step back in every situation and ask yourself, “What did I do to allow this to happen?” you will be pleasantly surprised at what you discover.

You’re going to discover that you chose to be with the wrong person, you neglected to set your boundaries, you ate too many fatty foods and you spent far too much money on lattes. You didn’t work hard enough to earn that promotion, you weren’t hanging out with the right people and you completely forgot to mail that check.

And you know what? This is all FABULOUS news! You should be excited about what you discover! Once you’re aware of what you’ve done to allow situations that cause you discontent or frustration, you can make the necessary changes in your life to produce better results!

This is the most important mindset shift you will ever make and I guarantee you will begin to see instant results when you choose to take your life into your own hands!

Action Step ›› Whenever something goes wrong in your life or you find yourself in an unhappy situation, make it a habit to ask yourself, “What did I do to allow this to happen?” Make note of what you discover and brainstorm ways you can make changes that will bring more positive and desired results.

A Tale of Forgiveness

A wise woman and her young disciple were walking down the street. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an angry man in a carriage drove haphazardly by the two, insensitively pushing the woman out of his way. She landed in a ditch filled with muddy water. The woman yelled after the man in the carriage, “May you have everything you want!” The disciple, surprised by the wise woman’s response, said: “I’m confused. Why did you say that to a man with such horrible behaviour?” The woman replied, “Because a happy man wouldn’t have thoughtlessly pushed a woman into a ditch.”

Do you agree with this woman’s response?

In the book The Bounce Back Book, there are many tips for embracing forgiveness and liberating yourself from anger and bitterness—even in the most challenging situations.

Here are a few quickie strategies to free you from your resentments starting today!

Say a Prayer

Whenever angry feelings about a person who’s harmed you enter your mind, tell yourself: “We are all good, loving souls who occasionally get lost.” Pray for this person to find their way back to a happier place—in the same way the woman in this story prayed for her offender.

Focus on Gratitude

Resist seeking happiness from the outside in. Instead, focus on gratitude exercises to bring happiness from the inside out. If you allow your mood to be at the mercy of unpredictable events and unreliable people, your happiness will be forever on a chaotic roller coaster ride! Happiness must always be an inside joy! When you are tempted to focus on all the ways the world has done you wrong, instead count your blessings by making a list of the five aspects of your life that you appreciate. It is good practice to purposefully end your day this way to keep focused.

Look for the Lesson

Many Buddhists consider huge difficulties to be a sign you’re an old soul—the bigger your misfortunes, the closer you are to enlightenment. Whether you believe this or not, it’s certainly cheery to reframe all your life’s bad events as tests of your character. If you feel particularly tested right now, ask yourself what the heck you’re being tested for! Patience? Compassion? Resilience? Forgiveness? Open-mindedness? What strengths must you develop further? Now consciously go out there and develop them!

Stay Centered

Recognize that when you respond with hate to hate, anger to anger, bitterness to bitterness, you are ironically becoming part of the problem. Choose to resist becoming like your offender and instead put in the conscious effort to remain a loving, soulful, happy person. In fact, don’t just tell your offender “May you have everything want.” Use this for a mantra to tell yourself – and re-focus all that energy of resentment into the energy to move forward to get what you want.

Love me Love me Love me

Sometimes I’m up
Sometimes I’m down but ara mi ba le (But I am calm)
When you’re around
You make me frown
Then you turn it upside down
So ma fi mi si le (So don’t leave me)
Oh I like it here

Baby Baby mi (My baby)
Olo lu fe mi (My Lover)
To ju To ju mi (Take care of me)
Iwo ni kon lo le (You’re the only one that can)

I throw a fit
And I call you names
To get your attention
But you know my games (Oh you know my games)
You leave for work
I try to make you stay
You kiss me better
And then I ask you to do it again

Baby Baby mi
Olo lu fe mi
To ju To ju mi
Iwo ni kon lo le

I don’t believe in juju powers (voodoo powers)
But you’ve put a spell on me
So call your Baba la wo (voodoo doctor)
Cause you won’t be needing him
You’ve got the magic yeah
The way you love me

Tiwa Savage

Death

Waking up this morning the thing on my mind was DEATH.

Have you ever thought of the way you would like to live this earth? I did...My thought was if I was to die, I wouldnt want to die from fire, neither would I want to die from drowning. Funny enough is that I would want to leave this earth peacefully in my sleep.

But then again I thought, thats a boring way to go. Maybe die from being hit by a moving vehicle as am crossing the street in my pair of Ferragamo heels. Would that be glamarous? Sigh...

I do not know why I woke up thinking about death, but as I sat in the car on my way to work, I realised that I am afraid....No to be quite honest am terrified of the days to come. When you dont know why your body has stopped functioning in the way it used to, and you have no control of the outcomes of a rebellious body.

I look back and think about all the people who played a significant part in my life and passed away from illness, naturally or through accidents. They didnt have the choice of a glamorous death. Can I ask for a glamorous death? Or better yet, can I ask for a life with out death. Find a fountain of youth where i can partake of the waters and be immortal...

Anyway in the eventuality that I do not become immortal from drinking my hot chocolate, I ask that at my funeral we do not shed tears, we have a celebration of my life....I believe that drinks will be on the house. I will ask only two of my closest friends to speak about my life and share the most important things I taught them. I will ask to be cremated and my shoes given away to charity. And I will expect at least ten people to say she lived her life well.

O for ORIGINAL

Today i sit back and look at last evenings events.

Left work, got home then headed to meet my spice. My spice you may ask? Yeah my spice is that one gal who adds flavour to my life and I to hers. Short of sounding corny, my spice is the bread to my butter...Anyway back to my story, I left my house to go meet my spice. The plan was to have a polite two drinks and laugh at how the year has gone for both of us before we get home to sleep....

So I leave the house walk over to our local and order my first beer and I wait for my spice to arrive. On her way she sends me a text message saying..."Am on my way with XXX!" My response was like ok cool lets meet the guy and give him a rating before he proceeds to date my spice. So I sat and sipped on my beer and five minutes later in they walked....

I gave him the first once over look and I had a list as long as the road from here to Timbuktu to share with my spice about the first judgement. So XXX tried really hard to engage us in conversation but my spice had already tuned off his vibe. Listening to him speak was like listening to a cracked record. This is where I have to let you know, I am that babe of few words so people who go on and on about one thing with out making thier point, really make me mad.

As I sat there I kept asking myself, is there anything Original about this chap? I mean really conversation was pretty much about him riding on someonelse's fortune and making a couple of bucks from that wave....

So after or drinks and when my spice and I got home, I really needed to go back to my dictionary and understand the meaning of Original. Because it was clearly lost on me.

Original :

arising or proceeding independently of anything else.

Thinking about this meaning made me wonder....how many amongst us can be counted as origial? Can you really differentiate yourself from the masses and break away and be that Original being? I want to be original. I am in some ways but I really want to be truly Original. I want to be that and more....

Are you original?

Cowards

The English dictionary defines the word Coward as :

a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person.

How many cowards do we know in our lives?

Just recently I was friends with a person. This person was great in my eyes. They had the power to turn all wrongs into rights and clean up a lot of messes that I had made. For lack of a better name lets call this person the sweeper. The sweeper had character. He was bold, he was strong and most of all he was a champion. Sweeper came and fixed every little problem that came his way, for all I know if he was put to the task of fixing a broken glass that had shattered to a million little pieces, the sweeper could.

So how did I realize that the sweeper was a Coward?

The sweeper was a man who had not dealt with his own demons. He would completely loose his cool when faced with the fact that he had to admit he had affection towards me. All his strong proclamations of love and being the man who would protect me from all harms way. Sweeper began distancing himself, I took this change as strange as any woman would. One time your hot the next your cold.

I could not understand what was going on. This change in behavior baffled my pretty little mind, and I got fed up and confronted the sweeper about it. Being the person I am, I questioned his intentions and asked him what he wanted. Did he want to stay or did he want to leave. If he wanted to stay, all he needed to do was say it. If he wanted to go all he needed to do was say so. I was tired of being played like a yoyo! I needed to know where we stood.

One day I asked, "What is your stand?" and he replied, "I love you and am not going anywhere." Foolish me I took that as the gospel truth.

That "I love you and I am not going anywhere" should have been interpreted as "I do not have the balls to break your heart."

After those words were uttered, the sweeper took to his heels. Turned around and walked away without any explanation as to why. Up until today he has not balls (excuse the vulgarity, but it is said with much venom) to leave up to his name. The strong courageous man that I knew.

He may weild a gun, but I dont think he is brave enough to pull the trigger and shoot it. So what does that make him? It makes him a COWARD!!!

The Plastics

I sit opposite of you everytime and I wonder, what the hell am I doing here, having this conversation with you? You are a plastic...you are fake!!

The phenomenon of the plastic friend....I wonder how many of you have ever sat across a man and woman and realized that this person has no impact what so ever in your life. Like the devil they are just there to kill and destroy you. The plastics as I like to call them are there for a season. Never for the long haul. I have realised that the plastics are not only your friends. Even a wife or a husband can be a plastic....

How can the plastics be dealt with. This I would like to know. I treat them with the biblical treatment...Flee from thy enemy....

What is your take on the plastics?

Good Bye My Lover

So it all started off with a simple hello. Then from that began "good morning, how are you today?" And then followed conversation about anything and everything whenever we met. Each day as the sun rose I was eager to see his face, to say hi and just to hear what this man would say. It never mattered if the comments were low blows to my self esteem, or if they were insults sent my way, it was just a yearning to be around him, and be surrounded by his presence.

Days turned into months and months into a year and it was perfect bliss. Nothing could stop me from loving him. My love was so pure towards him that it scared me everytime I thought about it. He made me laugh and smile, he made my eyes twinkle with delight. My situation was every girls dream, to be loved, to be in love, and to feel loved. I would wake up with a smile, with a spring in my step, and i felt that each day I would conqure the world. My need to listen to a love song in the morning to make me smile had been eradicated. Just one thought of him would light my world up like a christmas tree....

So where did it all go wrong? What made him loose his love for me? I feel wasted, I feel lost. But today I say i am breaking away from this heart ache. I am getting myself out of my bed. My tears shall flow no more as my decision is to say Goodbye my lover.

I am not going to be bound in chains of the wishing this should go on. Am not going to hold on to false hope that i have seen in the happily ever after movies. My declaration for this day is to love you from a far. A safe distance where my heart can mend itself and someday soon hope to love another the way I loved you.

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.